I recently read an essay that asked, "are you being productive?" It raised the question of what does it mean to be productive. And it ends with the idea that You are the only person with the answer.
Well, after years of having tons of work, and spending huge amounts of overtime and weekends being stretched thin, I have had to re-think this idea. Because I used to move mountains and coordinate things to happen now! and ignite people to get things done for me asap! And in the last few months I've done that less and less.
In one way, I feel so less stress, that I sleep better, eat healthier, have continued my quest to lose weight and feel good physically. (*except when I swung at a pitch in the batting cage last week and tweaked my back. Not fun, but I'm feeling much better, thanks.)
But now I find myself at a loss in my work. I'm not commuting anywhere, therefore I'm not clogging the streets of Los Angeles. So that's a positive. I have checked out other jobs and talked to people on the phone. I had a phone interview last week, and it went well. But after being SO productive, I read that essay and thought - I am not productive anymore.
When I got up today, bright and early on Monday- what was I going to produce? What could I accomplish? Hmm, maybe wash the kitchen floor. But that's always something that can be pushed off. Until it gets gross. So I pushed off doing that.
This is what I've done, not counting things that I've done on the computer like check email:
Messed with my bathroom tub drain. Again. It's always acting up.
I watered some plants around the house, inside and outside. I talked to my neighbor about their dog and the incessant barking that goes on all day. (Never noticed this until I started working at home. I thought he only barked at night. Nope. Full time job for this dog!)
I picked up clothes at the cleaner, and picked up a small lunch.
I filled the gas tank with money and came home. And turned on my laptop again. Played some tunes.
Has my day been productive?
About a year ago, I bought a book called Gig: Americans talk about their jobs. Even though I enjoyed reading Stud Terkel's Working after I got out of college, I had a harder time reading Gig. I don't fault the authors. I thought by reading it, I'd have a better appreciation for my job moving mountains to produce a short-life entertainment product. But it didn't turn out that way. I suppose I should have had an epiphany about life and work and how I see myself in context of "what I do" but I still don't see it. Right now, my business card is out of date: the old work address is on there, the wrong phone numbers. Is it only my card that is out of date?
So as I've become less and less productive in my field of work, and can still do that job well, it's harder to see what's next or what was the point of being so productive. I miss it, because right now it does feel like a loss. I feel myself fighting that feeling, that I can make a different kind of puzzle and accomplish something else.
You are the only person with the answer.
But the kitchen floor still waits for me.
1 comment:
I must say, this blog is quickly becoming one of my favourite things about the internet.
Productivity is an interesting thing. I try to make myself feel productive on days off by doing little things-- cleaning up the house, going grocery shopping, and lately, applying for jobs. If I've omitted the first two and still manage to apply to say, five jobs, and I haven't done anything else with my day, I still feel productive. I suppose you could judge the tasks you do in order to feel productive by figuring how how much forward motion they cause. For instance, cleaning the kitchen floor will mean you have a clean kitchen, sure. But it doesn't have much effect beyond today, whereas applying to jobs or going to the gym have a long-term effect on your life.
I'm babbling now, but uh, yeah.
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